Team Scotland 2013 is here!

Real gamers wear kilts and nothing else

Regular readers will well know that I am a big fan of the ETC and have represented Scotland for 40k in every event they have put forward a team, and with the 2013 team selected this will be my 4th year donning the hallowed blue top for my country. Obviously no team talk on this blog would be complete without some kind of cheeky stato description of the players involved (at least it is amusing for those who know the people in question). So lets get down to business...

The coolest ETC captain EVER!

Captain Bernie "Samurai Pigeon" Lee

Bernie has taken the Captain mantle from myself this year after I moved to Sweden. Even though this is only his second year of ETC competition Team Scotland's token immigrant has already proven himself both as an excellent team player and leader. He even learnt what a baked potato looked like for the first time last year - though he is till confused about how to eat it! On the gaming table Bernie can unleash his proper west end accent to intimidate his opponents into submission (he is the most Scottish sounding of us all).

The brains behind Team Scotland

Vice Captain Leon "Boomstick" Smith

For the second year running Leon is the true brains behind the captaincy (lets face it I didn't have a clue what I was doing...). Leon looks like a proper old skool GW geek; beard, long hair, obsession with heavy metal, questionable fashion sense, and an inability to ever accept he is wrong. He is also GW's number 1 fanboy. I am not joking, this guy single-handedly accounts for 50% of GWs annual sales and probably about 99% of Forgeworld's - I don't think there is a single FW model he doesn't own. Pity it is all illegal at the ETC eh Leon?

Graeme "Bearded Pigeon" Simpson

What is it with pigeon's and Scottish 40k players? Simmy is team Scotland's sexiest Ron Burgundy lookalike - Romania's sexy Daemon player was so impressed she even let Simmy win. Once mistakenly confused as a trucker, Simmy may have a quiet demeanour but don't let that deceive you because underneath is a raging beast to rival even Chuck Norris! Simmy is another of our hardcore Glaswegian gamers; because if you canny beat your opponent fairly you can always just chin them instead!

See real 40k masters Do wear kilts

Duncan "Titan MK1" Brown

Screw Josh Roberts and Team England. You want gaming pedigree, look no further than the big man from Aberdeen. Duncan was winning GT's whilst Josh was still suckling at his mamma's tit. And like any true Vietnam vet Duncan is never going to let you forget all the sacrifices he made in the name of winning the GT so we could all sleep safely at night. There isn't an army going that Duncan hasn't mastered, add into the fact that he is a dab hand when it comes to that painting malarkey, and the rest of the ETC is certain to be bowing down before his awesomeness.

Blacky mocking Leon's drinking failure

Matt "Blacky" Edmounds

The team drunk is dead, all hail the team drunk! Blacky may be the youngest player in the Scottish team but he has taken the mantle of team drunk from the late and great Bollogs with glee. He is a hyperactive, buckfast swilling, pizza-crunch* munching, 40k machine. The past  year has seen Blacky put his stamp firmly on the UK 40K scene, with him becoming a regular feature at the top tables of any tournament he enters. Cap that off with an accent that even we can barely understand and look out Europe! The Ned has arrived!

* A pizza-crunch is a pizza dipped in batter and then deep fried...

Franco got confused when it came to warpaint

Franco "The Speedy" Marrufo

Franco is another new player to the ETC but don't think for one second that he is a noob to 40k. Apart from being the biggest pain in the ass on the UK tournament circuit, Franco is also kicks Josh Roberts' ass on a weekly basis. Franco is team Scotland's wind up merchant extraordinare and his game plan for the ETC is simple; piss his opponents off so much with wideboy comments that they all just give up and concede their games. And if that fails he will just dice rape your army off the board in short order.

Team Scotland at the London Olympics

Tim "Timmaaa" King

The ETC legend that is returns once more. There probably isn't a more well know and liked player at the ETC than Tim. His top secret British military training has turned him from mild mannered Scotsman into the most overly organised 40k player in the world. There is nothing that Tim cannot conquer with an excel spreadsheet and itemised timetable. Add into the mix the fact that Tim is essentially a professional tournament player - he runs tournaments for a living FFS! Then what you have is a 40k player who is experienced and organised like no other. Serbia watch out, the man with the ring-bound folder of dooooom is coming!

Have you ever seen a sexier 40k player?

Neil "Skcuzzlebumm" Kerr

Well what more can I say about the greatest 40k player in the world that hasn't already been said..... ok maybe I am not quite *that* good  but you can't blame a guy for having a little bit of an ego right? Well now I am fully settled and integrated into the Swedish 40k scene all I can say is any ETC players who get matched against me better watch out; you thought me beating a Draigo-Wing army in 2 turns last year was brutal... you aint seen nothing yet! BRING IT ON NOVI SAD!

So that is the awesome 40k gaming machine that is Team Scotland 2013. The gauntlet has been thrown down and this year we are going to be bringing the pain to anyone who has the misfortune of getting drawn against us. Move over England, this year Scotland will be numero uno!